Hello my name is:

If you’re over the age of 10 and you’ve never had to wear one of these eco-friendly name-tag stickers, then you are not an American Citizen.  And if you’ve never used that small blank canvas and a Sharpie as a means to get a cheap laugh, then you’re definitely not Tyler Stanton, my friend Nate Rector, or my dad.

I know you know what I’m talking about.  There are roughly five unoriginal jokes that can be executed with these sticky accessories, and there will always be a guy that goes for at least one of them.

If he doesn’t write his name in HUGE letters filling the entire empty white space, then watch out!  He’s still thirsty for a laugh, and chances are he’s going to be hunting down a stray sticker for the rest of the evening so he can carefully place it right on your back.  LOLOLOLOL!!!

There’s only one other thing that I’m even more sure will happen when these name-tag stickers are required, and that is this:

There is a 100% chance that I will accidentally leave mine on for at least an hour after the event.

So to all the fast food cashiers, passing pedestrians, and hotel concierges who have had this thought:

“Tripp Crosby.  What an idiot”

I’d like to apologize for introducing myself without even asking your name in return.

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WHERE  IS THE LAST PLACE YOU HAD TO WEAR ONE OF THESE?

and

WHAT IS A YOUR GO-TO NAME-TAG JOKE?

Mine is to write my name just a little too big so that I have to write the last “p” smaller than the rest of the letters.  I know.  You’re side hurts right now.  Just take a second finish laughing, and then write your comment.