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Speedo Guy – by Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary

02/24/2011

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There just aren’t many females that make me laugh, but Jamie the VWM is one of them.  Jamie and her family live in South America where they are missionaries.  Of course that could mean a million different things, and I honestly don’t know what they actually do on a daily basis.  I do know, however, that Jamie is hilarious, she’s honest, and she’s got perspective that I need daily (or however regularly she decides to blog).

Speedo Guy
by Jamie the Very Worst Missionary

One thing you should know about Costa Rica is that there are a lot of Speedos happening around here.  Every beach is dotted with a good number of dudes strutting their stuff in those iconic, teeny, bikini bottoms.  On more than one occasion I’ve even seen men swagger through the palm trees in the daring Speedothong…. *shudder*

Look, I’m honestly not into that kinda thing – but I gotta say…. I have a healthy respect for Speedo Guy.

What?!

I’m being serious – I do. I respect him.  I think it takes guts to let it all hang out (and I do mean “all”) and I respect people who aren’t ashamed to show their… true colors.

There’s something really charming to me about a guy who can stand under the noonday sun in nothing more than a tiny pair of man-panties and still make eye contact with the ladies.  He may as well be wearing a sign that says “I have loads of butt hair” or “ Yeah. This is the whole package.” — but he’s obviously not trying to hide anything.  Speedo Guy has no secrets.

You know what Speedo Guy is?  He’s real.

He’s not intimidated by the public’s harsh, harsh, harsh judgment.  He’s not afraid of what other people will think about his wrinkly ass, or furry cheekage, or his middle-aged, bulging belly.  He has one goal; To absorb as much sun as possible and turn to leather before he dies — And to accomplish that, he has to be exposed.

I love that.

I mean, not the part about turning to leather, but I love the idea that if I stop caring about what everyone around me is thinking, I can get real, I can let all my junk hang out.   I love it because I have a goal and that is to absorb as much about Jesus as I possibly can before I die, and I’ve found that the more I let go of trying to cover up my flaws, the easier it is for me to take in what God is teaching me. And, too, when I expose myself to others (in a non-creepy way, of course), they also get to see how God is working in my life.

So I guess what I’m getting at is that the church needs more Speedo wearers…. you know, like, figuratively speaking.  Please.

More from Jamie? – Go HERE

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  • http://differentway4kids.blogspot.com joey

    Love this perspective but not the image I have in my head. Why do you say she lives in south america but she writes about costa rica? Isn’t that central america?

  • Hannah

    This is awesome. Jamie is awesome. Tripp, let's see your speedo.

  • http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com JanetOber

    Love this post!
    Don't love seeing speedo guys in real life … but love the idea about being real.

  • Red Dragon

    Thanks, Jamie! You never fail to get me thinking… and laughing! You're a great encouragement!

  • http://bajanpoet.wordpress.com bajanpoet

    Awesome post, Jaime…. I can relate … Authenticity is one of the things I strive for in everything….Awesome story :)

    "I mean, not the part about turning to leather, but I love the idea that if I stop caring about what everyone around me is thinking, I can get real, I can let all my junk hang out. I love it because I have a goal and that is to absorb as much about Jesus as I possibly can before I die, and I’ve found that the more I let go of trying to cover up my flaws, the easier it is for me to take in what God is teaching me. And, too, when I expose myself to others (in a non-creepy way, of course), they also get to see how God is working in my life."

    Here's to letting it all hang out!

  • http://beinghappygirl.blogspot.com happygirl

    Love this. I've tried to get my husband to wear a speedo. He's not havin it.

  • http://seekingpastor.wordpress.com seekingpastor

    I know what I'm wearing to preach in this Sunday.

  • MeganP

    I LOVE Jamie's talent to turn an everyday subject (speedos, dog crap, dying cat) into a life lesson. Her blog makes my day! I appreciate her honesty and think we'd get along like two peas in a pod!

  • http://www.thechurchofnopeople.com Matt_TCoNP

    The best thing about respecting speedo guy is that you can do it from a safe distance. Great post, Jamie, but I had a hard time figuring out how to get here from your blog! Which of the ten links should I choose?

  • http://michellesidles.com Michelle S.

    The mental image of my church full of speedo wearers on Sunday….
    My eyes are burning!! ;)

  • Billy Clem

    ok i'm convinced, speedo just made the shopping list….

  • http://www.two10eleven.com Brook Sarver

    Jamie… You are our hero!!! If only the "Speedo Syndrome" would end before coming to Thailand… The last thing we need her is more "banana hammocks"…..

  • LisaQ

    I was picturing my hubby in a speedo at church. Hmmm, as handsome as he is, not something I want to see. But I love your insight, Jamie, and also want to let it all hang out!! Does my muffin top count?

  • http://www.inamirrordimly.com ed cyzewski

    "when I expose myself to others (in a non-creepy way, of course), they also get to see how God is working in my life."

    This is my favorite line. You know, we can go both ways on this one. We can hide behind our towels or we can get a bit "speedy-creepy." However, vulnerability and openness really are essential for growing Christians.

  • deannadavis427

    I'm a JVWM fan! Thanks letting her guest blog here!

  • http://www.theveryworstmissionary.com/ VeryWorstMissionary

    Oh, he didn't let me – he begged me. It was so sad… really, how could I say no? ;)

  • http://alliaskforanymore.blogspot.com Rachel

    life's goal: to turn into leather. LOL. Love this, love the message!

  • http://betsyandjason.blogspot.com/ Betsy

    So Jamie, when will el Chupacabra let go of his secrets & strut his speedo? Or does he already???

    Great post (of course!). Love it!

  • Kirk

    Note to self…

    Add pre-tan, ab crunches and excess hair removal to the next Costa Rica trip prep plan

  • http://mrsnespysworld.blogspot.com Kaye

    I love Jamie's writing and this post is no exception!

  • Erin Pettengill

    Ah Speedo guy! Then there's the ol Borat banana hammock…don't know where to go with THAT one! Love your writing, love your family, love you my hometown girl! Prayers your way!

    Erin

  • http://cathiincostarica.blogspot.com Cathimommy

    Bagel has spent 2 days at the public pool in scuba class has seen the same "sights"–let's just say he wasn't impressed! And great point about absorbing more of Jesus and sharing ourselves flaws and all…..

  • hannah

    LOVE. …in a totally clothed, it's cold and raining, kind of way.

  • http://ashley.theworldrace.org Ashley Musick

    Awesome! I was loving all the funny at the beginning… maybe not the visuals, but the funny truths… and the whole time I was wondering, where is she going with this one? Then… BAM! It's like you pulled a great revelation right out of the thong of a itsy bitsy man bikini. Good stuff yet again. Thanks Jamie!

  • http://www.kimberleymills.blogspot.com Kim

    You are awesome.
    You know what doesn't get used enough> Those all covering bathingsuits from the 20's. Lets bring those back.

  • http://scarletcordm.com Kamrie

    Guys is speedos crack me up! I have noticed that this is a dying breed which for some may be a very good thing, but it seems like speedos are for the 50 plus old middle aged divorced dads wanting to impress the ladies.
    I hope to see the upcoming generation embrace the sags and let it all hang out!

  • http://www.bensayin.com Ben

    I'm so not surprised…not surprised at all.

  • http://topsy.com/trippcrosby.com/2011/02/speedo-guy-by-jamie-the-very-worst-missionary/?utm_source=pingback&utm_campaign=L2 Tweets that mention Speedo Guy – by Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary « trippcrosby.com — Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tripp Crosby, Tsholo Mpuru, Sarah Styles Bessey, Amy B, Nicole Amsler and others. Nicole Amsler said: "Furry cheekage" might be my new go-to phrase. I adore @JamieTheVWM http://ow.ly/42PQY [...]

  • lisamckaywriting

    Of all the slang terms I've heard for speedos the world over, I love the Australian one the most – budgie smugglers.

  • Leslie

    Never thought of the speedo God connection, but so glad you did :)

    Your blog is such fun to read!

  • Paschall

    You said, "man-panties". No.

  • Jo in PRC

    once again spewing coffee over my keyboard. Only you could make me smile every time I see a man in a speedo!

  • http://perfectinhim.blogspot.com Carrie

    My neighbor in Romania was a speedo guy. He was 70 or so and wore a red speedo and a blue baseball cap. He tried to carry on a conversation with me one day and it was difficult for me. I guess I'm not used to talking to old dudes in their underpants.

    But his outfit was better than the bare-butt-naked-old-dude down by the beach every morning. He sat on a large rock and raised his hands in the air. At first I thought he was doing some sort of lifting-his-arms-in-praise thing, but found out he was just trying to sun every inch.Car

  • http://www.cheaperbythebakersdozen.blogspot.com BakersDozen

    I guess it was worth a full day of thinking of indecent old guys (why do they all have to be old?) to read this lesson- but I'm also thrilled to have found a blog by a guy who likes to wear jackets. He reminds me of my son (which dates me….but does not make me old enough to like thinking of geezers is Speedos.)

  • Jeremy Statton

    I think that the video of Tripp swimming into the glass wall at the pool would have been better if he had been wearing a speedo.

  • http://jeffgoins.myadventures.org Jeff Goins

    Love Jamie. Thanks for this.

    (FYI: Tripp, Costa Rica isn't in South America. It's in Central America.)

  • sarahaskins

    I heart Speedo guy. My goal for this year is not to care about what others think! Just not wearing the Speedo!

  • Claire

    Reminds me of the time when my husband and I were in Daytona Beach to do some "beach" ministry. Our little condo was next to the condo with the Canandian snow birds who also loved the speedo. (btw…nothing more blinding than the pasty white Canandian skin in a speedo…)
    One morning I was out having my quiet time and totally freaked out when I thought I saw one of these snow birds actually baring it all…I mean…ALL. I froze in my chaise lounger staring and this globular male specimen walking towards me. Holy crap…he was coming to talk to me!
    The closer he got…the more I realized he wasn't doin the full monty at all… His belly was so huge that it lapped over his teeny tiny speedo. Made me wonder why he bothered to wear the speedo at all.
    We had a nice conversation about the weather but had to constantly remind myself not to look for the small amounts of exposed stretchy fabric. I guess I wanted to assure myself he was fully covered.
    Now I know what it's like for guys having a conversation wih a busty woman…only…I bet their view was nicer than mine.

    Jamie…as always…love your blog and your unedited heart for the Lord.

  • http://lisathoward.blogspot.com Lisa Howard

    As always….a wonderful message delivered in an engaging, gut-busting manner! Jamie is THE best!

  • Tricia power

    I saw speedo man yesterday here in roatan on a paddle board. He even had a tan butt crack,which i saw as he was falling off the board.

  • http://www.halfwaytonormal.com/ Kristin (@kt_writes)

    Ha! You made me laugh and then you brought it home—nailed it, in fact:

    "I love the idea that if I stop caring about what everyone around me is thinking, I can get real, I can let all my junk hang out."

    And absorb more Jesus sun. Yes.

  • thirtyonenine

    Oh man… I love this.. I laughed out loud, now those in my office thinks I am crazy.

  • http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J Alicea

    Oh.My.Awesome.

  • http://www.myfriendscallmelunchbox.com Lunchbox

    As usual, awesome post Jamie!

  • ben

    As a hairy, somewhat plump, (ok I’mfat) Italian, and yes I do have a gold chained cruzifix, and yes I do have a lime-green Speedo, and I’m not afraid to wear it! And yes I do love Jesus with all my heart! Ok, all of the above is a lie, except the Jesus part! But I gave you a visual you won’t soon forget!! Hee hee hee.love&peace,The Godfather.

  • she

    We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
    Speedo Guy is manifesting!

  • tamast

    technically CR is in central america. .. let your junk hang out!

  • http://plct.blogspot.com Keturah

    I love the VWM. Who else would be oddly charmed by old-man thong, and then turn it into a life lesson?

  • Betsy

    Gotta love the VWM. Another awesome post.

  • http://www.messiahmom.wordpress.com kristinherdy

    This is full of vivid description. It's left me with a furry but funny taste in my mouth. I now look up to Speedo Man (but that's a really bad angle from which to view him, so, perhaps we could just be on equal footing, yes?)

  • mo

    Jamie's analogy reminds of one she once said about our kitchen cabinets…. this one is even better ! nice job James! again.

  • http://www.stumblingaroundinthelight.com Teri

    Okay, that's just freakin' hilarious. And so completely true.
    Gotta quit wearing my 1920's grandma-bathing-suit, desperately trying to cover up all my junk, and just be willing to let the real-yuck-stuff show. 'Cause God knows all about that seven-pregnancy-accumulated-spare-tire around my middle, just like He knows about my anxiety-closet full of fears & doubts & failures. If He can deal with it – I suppose I can let other folks deal with it too. And just maybe they'll see a bit more of Him as they see how He loves me despite all that uncovered-up junk
    Yup. Thanks for pointing to the truth, Jamie.
    Now gotta go live it…
    Teri @ StumblingAroundInTheLight.com

  • http://thehospitalityguru.com.au Anna Johnston

    I've got a whole new respect for speedo guy now…, Speedo guy might be prolific in Sth American but seriously he turns up everywhere, his breed are plentiful on Aussie beaches I can attest to that. Yep…, you gotta respect that sort of acceptance, or insanity or maybe (you can see I've spent serious time pondering this one), maybe they simply don't own a full length mirror. Whateva :) Great post….., thanks for sharing :)

  • http://suzrocks.com/blog SuzRocks

    Ahhh…I can respect Speedo Guy, he covers up the important stuff. What's harder is Nudist Guy. That's a bit harder to stomach.

  • loralea123

    Great post, and perfectly timed too! I noticed the stores just brought out the swimwear over the past couple of weeks. Blizzards, below freezing temperatures, and legs as white as snow always make me think, "Speedo!"

    I like what you said about exposing your life (if not your body) to people. I try to live my life transparently imperfect. Thanks to you I have a new motto…Glaringly Imperfect.

  • http://ruipittsburgh.blogspot.com Sarah

    Jamie you never fail to make me laugh…then think really hard. How do you DO that? Great post!

  • http://www.woodyandsusan.com Woody

    Jamie, You somehow failed to mention that there are some female equivalents to "Speedo Man" in our tropical paradise. Experience at the beach with my family this past week would indicate that many women here have absolutely no fear of showing their "short-comings." So to speak. Thanks for the post!

  • Kristi

    Absorb as much Jesus as possible. Yes, I like that idea. And I think you’re right…gotta quit hiding our stuff and start being real…we’ll surely get more Jesus that way. Thanks for your honest (and funny!) heart :)

  • http://www.fuquestions.com FUQuestions

    That's a fresh take on naked old men… ;)

    My favorite Speedo experience was witnessing a lanky 60 year old man rollerblading/ballet dancing in a black Speedo. Pirouettes and all…

    Mmm.

  • http://www.seo001.ru Создание сайтов

    Отлично!!! Вместо книги на ночь.

  • Maureen

    So true….all of it

  • http://www.jesstock.blogspot.com Jess

    This is Great!!

  • http://africakidandtheworld.blogspot.com/ Laurie Cutter

    Will definitely be passing this post along to family and friends! After living in Germany and visiting Schwimmbads there (swimming pools), it takes more than a speedo to shock me. But I hadn't taken speedo-sightings to a spiritual level…thanks for pushing us to go past the obvious!

  • Rachel

    Haha, hilarious. My dad was a speedo guy. I used to be embarassed about his choice of beachewear, but lo, that's my dad….i am also learning how valuable it is to be vulnerable with a close circle, an area of continual growth in my life.

  • Rachel

    lol. so true!

  • Amber

    Great post!
    Maybe we all SHOULD wear Speedos everyday. With that much exposure, we'd have a different outlook on life and each other; that is to say, if we are all vulnerable, I'd hope we'd be more kind and forgiving.
    (Truthfully, the image of Speedo Men at church is making giggle like a little school girl. HILARIOUS!)

  • guest

    Tripp- your black speedo is hanging in my closet whenever you are ready for it

  • http://www.trippcrosby.com/blog Tripp Crosby

    No need to hang it up. I don't care if it gets wrinkled.

  • LSaik

    Thanks for this… "I have a goal and that is to absorb as much about Jesus as I possibly can before I die, and I’ve found that the more I let go of trying to cover up my flaws, the easier it is for me to take in what God is teaching me. And, too, when I expose myself to others (in a non-creepy way, of course), they also get to see how God is working in my life."

  • http://trippcrosby.com Tripp

    Glad you were in encouraged

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