80% of why I want to be your friend is directly related to how much I enjoy conversation with you. I’m an enthusiast. Lately, I’ve noticed not everyone is actually good at it, and I’d like to offer some helpful advice on how to improve.
TIP #1: Don’t be a conversational narcissist.
This is the most common and most deadly conversational killer I can think of, and we are all guilty to some level. Let me explain.
When a person makes a comment or tells a story you immediately have two options:
ONE – you can dig deeper into what they have said or
TWO – you can share how the topic relates to yourself
For instance, I might say to you, “I’m so excited about my vacation to Cancun” An interested person will respond with a question like, “oh yeah? when are you leaving?”
A conversational narcissist will respond by saying something like, “Oh, I know. I stayed in this amazing hotel when I was there last year.”
See the difference? 99% of the time you can insert the phrase, “let me tell you how that reminds me of me” before a narcissists comment.
I think to an extent we are all bent towards inviting ourselves into topics, but the more mature conversationalist is looking for ways to explore the other person further before turning the attention to themselves. (I’m not talking about being a “one-upper.” That’s another post coming soon.)
It IS okay to bring yourself into a topic, but it’s all about timing.
Pay attention, and you will notice C.N’s everywhere. But, I would suggest looking inward before you look outward. And if you’d like to become less of one, let me suggeset an exercise:
When you feel yourself wanting to talk about yourself, try forcing yourself to first ask 2 more questions about the other person. I think you’ll be surprised at how much people will start wanting to talk to you.
10/06/2010
Greatest Hits, Seriously