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A poem by me and my ear

08/26/2009

poetry, Uncategorized

flaming, crackling, cleansing
you are the one I adore
pokey, brown, and pastry like
you I can’t ignore

I light you, you suck my ear
I extinguish you, you cast out fear
oh ear candle of wonder
how I love to have you near

I knew when I fist saw you
at the nature’s remedy store
that you were like a q-tip
but could offer so much more

It was late in mid September
when we took our first date
We lied together perpendicular
separated by a paper plate.

The room flickering with your flame
I lie still on my bed
patently waiting
for you to cleanse my head

wow, you really did it
your stalk is full of grime
the substance once in my ear
has been removed for all time

thank you ear candle of wonder
for clearing out my wax
i know you are much shorter now
but I can finally hear my sax

curious where you came from
I look you up on the world wide web
I want to know how you really work
and what all the doctors have said

thanks to my DSL connection
the feelings in my gut were confirmed
you are a @#$%ing liar
and you deserve it when you’re burned

Just as I suspected,
you’re a hoax out for cash
that crap on on your inside
was nothing more than ash

Don’t even try to explain yourself now
I totally understand.
I even did an experiment
and used you on my hand

ok wow, you did it again
your stalk is full of grime
I must have waxy palms
I don’t think so. not this time.

oh ear candle of wonder
I hate your huffing and puffing
I am so humiliated
that I did this for nothing

Picture 3

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/evdaddy evdaddy

    my wife tried that thing too, because someone told her how awesome it was. unfortunately, now she can hear my smart aleck comments that i say under my breath.

  • HaleyTucker
  • http://www.jarrodhaggard.blogspot.com Jarrod Haggard

    That was awesome! Half way through I was ready to go get a bunch of links for you about how fake those are, but you came through in the end. Well done, well done indeed.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/tpaulding tpaulding

    I once was lost but now am found in the midst of the lies of the ear candles as well. Cue tip, I am sorry I ever doubted thee. (Even though it is interesting I still felt the need to use you after my ear burning sessions.)

  • Thor

    One time I couldn't convince a friend that what they had pulled out of an ear candle was NOT their ear wax. So, i took it and chewed on it. I don't think it convinced them, but they were sufficiently weirded out (I suppose that's understandable)

  • guest

    guess i was hearing them all along since they don't work

  • http://www.missionimpact.com Lauren Pupchik

    I feel as though you have saved me both time and heartache as i have always wondered about those ear candles. now i can save my quetzales (guatemalan currency) for better things….like the neti pot. which actually is pretty cool for the allergies.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/zingersandwich zingersandwich

    What's annoying is that people are making some kind of connection between candle wax and ear wax, and believing that's part of why it works.

  • http://www.intensedebate.com/people/zingersandwich zingersandwich

    What's annoying is that people are making some kind of connection between candle wax and ear wax, and believing that's part of how it works.

  • http://www.therealmattminor.wordpress.com therealmattminor

    Wax or not, that stuff on the inside after you use it tastes like apple strudel. It's soooooo good and crunchy after you let it dry out.