Here are some simple instructions for men who want to show affection to other men.
HUGGING
1. Go for the mid-height hi-five with your right hand, but lean in a little with your shoulder so he knows what is coming.
2. Don’t let go, and pull. (Your right hands now serve as a buffer eliminating the possibility of a full-torso touch.)
3. With your left hand, reach around behind his back and tap 3 times. This is code for “I’m not gay”
BONUS MOVE: Lean way back during the final release of your initial hi-five, and pull as hard as you can with just your fingers. A snapping sound will occur. Sweet!
KIND WORDS
This one is easy. Just speak from your heart, and then add the word “man” or “dude”.
I.E.: “I love you man!” or “dude this has been fun” or “I appreciate your advice man”
SPANKING
This is a very delicate move, and it must occur with absolute precision.
1. First of all, the male-to-male spank can ONLY take place when both parties are dressed for AND participating in a team sport . Never attempt when bowling, golfing, fishing, or repairing an engine.
2. ALWAYS spank in public.
3. DO NOT make eye-contact. In fact, it’s better if something else already has your attention before your hand even makes contact.
4. ONLY spank in a moment of praise. NEVER spank as a means of discipline.
5. ONLY SPANK ONCE!! I cannot overemphasize this.
OKAY: “Nice Block Jim!” [spank] “Let’s go Steve!”
NEVER OKAY: “You can’t do that Mike. That’s cheating!” [spank] “Cheating is naughty!” [spank]
HOLDING HANDS
This is only okay when praying in a group, playing Red-Rover, or when saving your friend from falling off of a cliff.
TICKLING
This is never okay.
05/01/2009
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